It's my birthday in a few days.
I both love and hate this annual event.
The closer it gets, the sadder I become. I think I get sad because I'm actually super, overly-excited for my birthday. And yet I know I shouldn't be. I'm an adult now; I'm not six. Birthdays stop being magical before you hit the double digits. But it's as if there's this rogue emotion in my body, demanding to throw glitter on everything and eat ALL the cake while dancing until I puke.
I know my expectations are unreasonable.
I know they are.
But the moment my birthday month rolls around, this tiny little psychopath inside me begins to whisper words of excitement and chaos.
She's so annoying.
And that's why I end up sad.
Because I spend a lot of time reminding myself that birthdays are just days. Like all the others. I try not to make plans so that way I can't be disappointed. People ask what I want to do and I just shrug and pretend like it's no big deal. I'm very grown up about the whole ordeal. (Don't ask me why I've associated being grown up with sadness. I've already made a note to discuss it with my therapist).
But you know what?
Exchanging one extreme for another is not the answer.
Last year, I decided to try something new. An idea introduced by Zack a couple years ago which involves taking time on your birthday to call and connect with the people who've meant the most to you in the past year.
I loved it.
I was on Skype most of the day seeing the faces of people I adore and cherish. I had coffee with Kati and cake with Cap. The day was magical.
And my inner birthday psycho was happy.
So my plan this year is much the same. I will call and Skype with those too far to see face-to-face. And then I'm going out for dinner and drinks with people I love and who love me back.
A day, a weekend, a week of expressing gratitude to those who've meant so much to me in last 12 months. It seems so easy. So very simple.
My inner birthday psycho is very pleased.
And stupid excited.
I'm just gonna love the shit out of you people.
What a wonderful way to celebrate.